My Blog

Celebrating 30 years of God’s faithfulness, love and GRACE in my life.. can’t count God’s blessings..nakakaiyak sa tuwa..haha this is my life song…
 

Here in My Life - HILLSONG

I have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet but
at Your word Lord, I’ll receive Your
faith to walk on oceans deep

and I remember how You found me
in the very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus, You’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
where would I be without You here in my life
here in my life

You have said that all the heavens
sing for joy at one who finds the
way to freedom, truth of Jesus
bought from death into His life

and I remember how You saw me
through the eyes of Your grace
and though the cost was Your beloved for me
still You made a way

christmas is almost here!

i love the feel of the morning especially end of november until early Feb.. the coolness is different- happy..or do i just associate it with the season.. anyhow, i love it
for weeks now, i’ve been bothering bok to join me shop for gifts, especially for the kiddos..as always, i end up going to the mall all by myself coz he’s too busy finishing up 2009 campaign for their ever demanding “now na” clients..i understand though, coz december is really their peak..

out of boredom, i write this entry, im actually waiting for a 10am meeting.. i was about to write my thoughts on how difficult it is to maintain or even start a friendship…  but since i have so many thoughts about it, it will take an hour and i’ll be late for the meeting.. so, later!

happy entry naman…

if this week was so toxic..last weekend was so happy!!!

it was Dae’s 2nd birthday.. nag-leave ako friday to spend the day with Dae. We had breakfast with mamita at mc donalds. then Dae and I went to Bok’s office in the afternoon, to go to Highstreet..and fully booked..Dae’s favorite place.. She enjoyed  the night just  by running around and throwing stones sa fountain sa highstreet..nung mejo pagod na sya, we went to fully book..there she spent an hour reading, running, reading..running…

the next Dae, we invited her cousins, titas, auntie, mamita and oyie to burger king marcos highway. We did no throw a party, but we just invited everyone for breakfast. No party kasi una, magastos, tapos since pag may party may program, hindi makapag-play til you drop ang mga bagets..and one more, we want to spend the money na lang sa gift that we think Dae will truly enjoy. At hindi kame nagkamali! mas masaya ang mga bagets! Masaya din kame ni bok syempre at ang mga oldies..

After breakfast and play, we went home na. Auntie gave Dae a very nice gift..a Kitchen Center!! there’s a nice pic..na super tuwang tuwa si Dae sya sa gift ni auntie..nakatitig lang sya habang nakangiti…she’s also ecstatic about our gift! SLIDE!!! super favorite nya kasi mag slide..kahit sa legs ko, sa sound monitor sa church, sa Kahon ni bok…sa lahat! basta mejo naka-slant, slide na sa kanya yun..so when i saw this small orange slide sa Toy’s Are us..bok and i thougt that this is it!!! this is the perfect gift for Dae! at totoo nga super naenjoy nya!!! We palced her new toys sa bedroom..and as expected, play all day si Dae, untill almost 10pm..usually 8:30 tulog na sya pero kahit antok na naguon, laro pa din..saya!

it was a fun day for Dae..we too enjoyed it..we continually thank God for his goodness kay Dae and sa family..happy birthday chung chung!

i’ve been wanting to write again for the longest time but i can’t seem to choose which of the recent “life evnets” to write..

this entry is so random…

my concern almost everyday is Dae..she’s totally cleared now of KAWASAKI but just last week and up to this day, she’s having cough and no apetite…it is during these times that i wish im a full time mom..to take care of her- day in day out…but of course that’s not the situation..but i’m okay….nag eemote lang mnsan.. i’d say that i’m a toxic mom..bordering to OCD to ANXIOUS to PRANING..as my mom would put it..i worry a lot about Dae’s health…but i keep on reminding myself that she’s in God’s hands…my worrying would not make her eat better or keep her safe always….

secondly, i want to write about work! hay! the last two quarters was soo toxic….trying desperately to deliver sales up to the last minute literally…but thank God we were able to end the quarter close to 100% sales target…yeah, it’s my first full year in this job and i’m glad i really made that “scary” decision one year ago…to leave my comfort zone..i thought when i was a brand manager before, ang dami ko ng alam, when I got here, i realized how limited my knowledge of the business is.. talked to my boss the other day and he said the same thing…he’s still learning a lot..at ako din! ika nga eh..madami pa akong kakaining bigas..and now, that i’m on the service provider side, clients can be ridiculously  & unreasonably demanding at times but i’m also learning to manage them..key is managing expectations…pero misan OA..there’s this brand manager who treats us like her secretary..she’d request for a presentation about a certain market and would send the invitation 2 days before…camon!!! and she’d expect us to construct the deck with complete analysis..ok lang naman eh kaya lang during the presentation she’d comment that our analysis is erroneous…maybe becuase it does not fit her “analysis” of the market…or because her formualted soultion in arresting the decline od the sales of her brand is not supported by the data we’ve presented…hhehe..

wala na kong maisip..sumasama na pakiramdam ko…nahawa na kame ni bok sa ubo and sipon ni Dae..

Dae had her 2D echo for the second time last July 8 to check her heart’s condition after the treament. The Kawasaki disease caused an inflammation on her coronary artery. A month after the treatment plus the daily dose of aspirin - we had the test again and praise God that her heart is now normal!! No more inflammation. Thank God!! She’s still on aspirin though, because the clotting time/sedementation rate of her blood is still faster than normal..this is still a main concern as this may cause aneurysm according to her doctor..but her clotting time is improving naman..the normal is around 30mm per minute/hour yata.Before the treatment,Dae’s clotting time is 80mm!! O.A.. but because she’s taking aspirin regularly, it is now at 40…we pray that this will be down to normal range on our next blood test…She got used to having blood extraction na,usually mga 30ml ang kinukuha..hindi na sya maingay umiiyak..pero nasasad yung face nya pag nakita na nya yung laboratory…she’s very brave…habang kinukuhaan sya ng blood she would just say "mommy…"tapos nangiginig yung boses and tutulo na lng luha silently…mas nakakaawa.. we’ll have another blood test this august..we pray na normal na lahat.. For those who prayed for Dae,who prayed with us..thank you. We praise God for healing Dae!

reading the stories of families who had or have kids with kawasaki disease scared me..

some of the kids just suddenly died..because of aneurysm…

the last 2d echo showed that the coronary artery of Dae is inflammed..she’s still on aspirin now and we’ll have our next 2 d echo on july 10..

i was crying to God this morning..again, i cannot do anything but pray..

uncertainties can really be scary…and yeah i’m scared..but it’s comforting to know that all these is in God’s hands..

all fo his glory….all for his glory..

last week was a "faith building week" for our family..

A week before that, Dae had constant high fever which we thought was just the usual viral fever. Our pedia advised us to have CBC and urinalysis. Sunday, Dae’s eyes turned so red as well as her lips, tongue and palms. I thought maybe it’s just becoz of the high fever or baka sore eyes, but unusual kc no signs of eye irritation.

We went to the doctor MOnday, to show the results of the CBC and urinalysis. When the doctor saw Dae, she said, "these are not good signs..out of the 4 symptoms of KAWASAKI disease, she has 3.." the redness of the eyes palms and lips worried doctora, as these are the most common symptoms..so she advised us to be admitted in the hospital at once.

In the hospital, they gave her high doses of aspirin. The next day, they did a 2 D Echo to check Dae’s heart, because the primary complication of a KAWASAKI disease is heart problem and aneurism..The doctor said that if there’s no problem with Dae’s heart, we can go home and just continue with aspirin. But in the room, as the doctor is conducting the procedure, she showed us in the monitor the condition of Dae’s heart. The coronary artery is already inflamed-Not a good sign…She said that there are medications available, we just have to pray that Dae will not be allergic. She said, if ever she’s allergic to the first medication, like if there will be rashes during the infusion, they’ll give the next brand. But if she’ll still be allergic…"let’s just hope for the best".."pray"..those words made me numb and crushed my heart…how can this so rare disease be contracted by Dae? 19 in 100,000 is the incidence…i cried..painfully..but i cried to God and said, "Lord you know how we love Dae..But You gave her to us, if it is your will to take her, it will be so painful, but let your will be done"..i don’t even know if it was an honest prayer, or it’s just because i know that Dae’s health is not in my hands, nor the doctors..just the same, i offered evrything to God.

The treatment started 8am the follwing day. The first of the 5 bottles was administered and Dae is closely monitored for any signs of allergy..after 30 mins of infusion, rashes appeared in her left arm. I immediately called the nurses and the doctors ordered to stop the infusion at once. They said that we’ll observe for another hour, if the rashes spread all over her body, we’ll stop the treatment..i was afraid because it’s as if, Dae will be taken away from us..again, i cried to God and told him, let your will be done Lord..but let your grace be with us..

After an hour of closely observing, rashes did not spread! Praise God! and we continued the treatment…

Dae finished 5 bottles without resistance..thank God!

Then the second test came, the bill is 150K ! whooohoo! We were not panicky at all. Bok said, it’s odd, but i have peace..GOd will meet our needs..

True. God met our needs. He used people we barely thought would extend help. Blessings poured in everyday..amazing..

Hayy..This event taught us to rely on God alone. Dae’s heart is in his hands. Our family is in his hands..

Looking back, this experience was very painful, difficult..yet humbling and faith building..We do not understand why God let us experience it, but one thing is true, he is faithful..

I thank the Lord for his grace is sufficient..

My heart is just so overwhelmed, praise be to God!

Deisha- means gift from God..

Again, God allowed us to take care of the gift he has given. Praise God for healing Dae.

i intended to write this entry last friday but i didn’t have the chance because of client meetings and other stuff to finish..well, last week was just awesome! toxic as usual but the difference is, all my client calls were "wow"! we presented the first run of our quarterly market study with one of the biggest pharma company globally and they said it was "great!", cool! because just two weeks ago, this same client was so frustrated about some of our deliverables…sad becoz admittedly, our company could really improve on the quality of such deliverables ( well i really can’t be specific here becoz i might loose this job heheh) anyway, they were upset and since i am handling their account, i get to experience these frustrations first hand..and i must say it’s not easy to handle frustrated, upset, pissed-off, irritated and at times..furious clients…whew! so that was 2 weeks ago..but last week as i’ve said, was great! for a change, we got thumbs upss, thank youss, it was greatss…and bottom line- clients were satisfied…it was fulfilling, i felt this is what i really want to do..provide insights, knowledge about the market, thinking ahead of the client..i still have alot to learn though but i’m getting there thanks to leo yap and to the rest of our team. i hope this week will be even better..well, bok and i took a day off today because we’ll watch Hillsong’s concert! i know tonight’s worship will be totally awesome! i’m so excited! i’m here at SB araneta waiting for Bok. He had the privilage to meet and greet the Hillsong band! with edong! can’t wait to hear his stories…we’ll that will be for my next entry! Waaah!!! excited na ko!! (pardon my unstructured writing here…this is totally a different entry na..) bye

i’m coding today-can’t leave the office yet so i decided to write na lang..

for the past weeks, i just so stressed out about the "buying a house" thing..we’re planning to but this house but it’s so stressful that at times, i’d like to postpone na lang muna. lot’s of things to cosider..finances ofcourse is the main issue..anyway, since we’ve come this far already, might as well finish the whole thing and see what God’s will is.. i’m pretty sure that things will fall into place if God really wants us to own that house..

in the past couple of days i’m kinda re-living the "past" and i’ve found out that when doing such, one should be more discriminating..what i mean is, "past" memories and events don’t bring smile all the the time when you remember them, so might as well choose which moments are worth remembering and re-living..some can bring "delight" but so temporary..and the aftermath is either, frustration, a feeling of worthlessness and depression..i’m not sure if i’m making sense here..all i know is that i’m feeling good while writing this down coz somehow my mind and my chest gets to breathe out..

gotta go now..i’m meeting the mean girls in greenbelt..hump day..i need to breathe..unwind.. coolness..

i often hear that long life is a blessing..but last saturday, i began to think..is it really?

we received a call from one of my aunts that inang has been vomiting since friday afternoon. bok and i then went to fetch inang and bring her to the hosp. She was still vomiting when we got to my aunt’s house, so weak, clamy and pale. In the e.r she was immediately hydrated…lab tests conducted in her poor and powerless body.. she was in pain and in real discomfort..she would utter words like "inang ko, wag mo po ako pabayaan.." "dios ko wag mo po ako pabayaan.." these words plus her almost lifeless look made me literally frozen..thinking..she’s 95 y.o, in pain, so much discomfort..what is the will of God? ofcourse, i didn’t get the answer..yet..

so, since she is now confined, someone should take care and stay with her in the hosp. But not everyone is available, and worst..willing..for their own reasons..i don’t know..6 children..

inang stayed with us (me and mommy) almost all her life..she took care of my when my mom left abroad to work..so i grew up with her..most of the people think that i am her favorite apo, next to ate liezle..maybe true, maybe not..because we live together so, automatically, she takes care of me.. sometimes, i would consider my other cousins luckier becoz they are not the "favorite" (as they put it) becoz they don’t get to be scolded often, mapalo ng payong, ng palo-palo, ng upuan, mapahiya sa mga kaibigan at sa mga kapitbahay.. well probably they experienced this once or twice, but i did, almost half of my life…until i’m bold enough to say "enough".. i don’t feel any grudge towards inang, i just thought that maybe, my cousins are luckier in that aspect..but its all good..

she still lives with us, and since my mom stopped working, they’re together every single day..as any other aging lola, nag uulyanin na. and this really stresses my mom..difficult coz, she resents the fact that no matter how she takes care of her, she still sees her as masungit at anak na hindi sya inaalagaan at mahal..here favorites are my other aunts..probably my mom lost her patience couple of times but i don’t blame her..i think it is normal..and if you’re faced with that everyday, difficult… i just hope that her children will also give their share..to take care of her..maybe they won’t understand the difficulty becoz they’re not in my mom’s shoes..i don’t want to judge them..maybe they just didn’t have the chance to take care of inang..well, its not yet too late..they still can..